Why Parents Drink
 
 A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was  nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope,  Propped  up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad."  With the Worst  premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the  letter.

 Dear Dad:
 
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to Elope with  my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.   I  have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.  But I knew
you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, Tattoos, tight  motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than  I am.
 
 But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.   Stacy said that we  will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack  Of  firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more  children.
 

 Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really Hurt  anyone.  We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with  The other people that
 live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.    In the meantime we Will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy
 can get better.  She deserves it.
 
 Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.   Someday I'm  sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your  grandchildren.
  
 Love,

  Your Son John

 PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted  to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card That's  in my center desk drawer.  

 I love you.  Call me when it's safe to come home.