"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow
 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
 

 "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain
 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill... followed by Churchill's response:

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill
 

 "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop
 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb
 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
 

 "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating
 

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr
 

 "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain
 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West
 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
 

  Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"
 

Winston replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!"