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A man comes into the ER and yells, "My
wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
 At
the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
breaths," I
instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, W
One day I had to be the bearerof bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard
her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical,
including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty
feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your
hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left."
Again, a flawless read Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which
one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new
one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new
elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been
bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered
. Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky
and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly I can't seem to get used
to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A new, young MD doing his residency in
OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To
cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly
said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
Thanks to Jill M. --- Seattle |
