A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well
dressed, hair well groomed, great looking
suit, flower in
his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave,
presenting a well looked-after image, walks into
an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an
elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks
over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip,
turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The
elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again." The
gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
other and says: "Slim, I'm 83years old now and I'm just
full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How
do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!?
Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
and after eating, the wives left the table and went into
the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
"Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was
really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What
is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned
towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of
that restaurant we went to last night?
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients
being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman--
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave
the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way
down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't
know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I
hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
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Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy,
isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So
am I. Let's go get a beer."
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but, it's
state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A
couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied,
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he
replied, "Arthritis."
