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MY KIND OF
WAL-MART SENIOR
SHOPPER
(Does he need a
hobby?)
Dear Mrs.
Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr.
Bill Fenton has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this type of behavior and have
considered banning the entire family from
shopping in any of our stores. We have
documented all incidents on our video
surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling
from the trouble your husband has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been
compiled and are listed below.
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint
Department
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things
Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is
shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
and randomly put them in people's carts when
they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on
the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and
told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk
and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a
'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent
in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll
bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk
asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks Why can't you people just leave me
alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into
the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the
hunting department, asked the clerk if he
knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department,
practiced his "Madonna look" using different
size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browse through, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement
came over the loud speaker, he assumes the
fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's
those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door and waited a while;
then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here!"
Thanks to Don T.
Louisville, KY |
