MILITARY HUMOR
Three men are sitting stiffly
side by side on a long commercial flight. After
they're airborne and the plane has leveled off,
the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly
and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United
States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat
states through a tight lipped smile, " Admiral ,
United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons,
both Judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center
seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in
his eye he proclaims, " Master Gunnery Sergeant,
United States Marine Corps, retired. Never married,
two sons, both Admirals.
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another
jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as
he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel,
coming over and handing him
the keys, "Yours is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a
pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an
airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the
phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In
the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had
sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he
asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir,"
the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a
dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a
dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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An Air Force chief master sergeant and a
general were sitting in the barbershop. They were
both just getting finished with their shaves, when the
barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on
their faces.
The general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff
on me! My wife will think I've been in a
whorehouse!" The sergeant turned to his barber and
said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know
what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the
bewildered seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged
from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so
you can come and pee on my grave." "Not me, Chief!"
the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never going to stand in line again!"
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by
plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the
customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent
admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen,
you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready
for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I
didn't have to show it." "Impossible. You Americans
alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in
France !"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard
look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came
ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it
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