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IN THE
LAND OF SANDRA DEE
submitted by Esther L., PA
More humorously sentimental, than
gut-busting humor.
> Long ago and far away,
>
> In a land that time forgot,
>
> Before the days of Dylan
>
> Or the dawn of Camelot.
>
> There lived a race of innocents,
>
> And they were you and me,
>
> Long ago and far away
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> Oh, there was truth and goodness
>
> In that land where we were born,
>
> Where navels were for oranges,
>
> And Peyton Place was porn.
>
> For Ike was in the White House,
>
> And Hoss was on TV,
>
> And God was in his heaven
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> We learned to knit a muffler,
>
> We washed our hair at dawn,
>
> We spread our crinolines to dry
>
> In circles on the lawn.
>
> And they could hear us coming
>
> All the way to Tennessee,
>
> All starched and sprayed and rumbling
>
> in the Land of Sandra Dee.
> We longed for love and romance,
>
> And waited for the prince,
>
> And Eddie Fisher married Liz,
>
> And no one's seen him since.
> We danced to "Little Darlin'",
>
> And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
>
> And cried for Buddy Holly
>
> In the Land of Sandra Lee.
> Only girls wore earrings then,
>
> And three was one to many,
>
> And only boys wore flat-top cuts,
>
> Except for Jean McKinney.
> And only in our wildest dreams
>
> Did we expect to see
>
> A boy named George with Lipstick
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> We fell for Frankie Avalon,
>
> Annette was oh, so nice,
>
> And when they made a movie,
>
> They never made it twice.
>
> We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
>
> Or Psycho Two and Three,
>
> Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
>
> And Chester had a limp,
>
> And Reagan was a Democrat
>
> Whose co-star was a chimp.
>
> We had a Mr Wizard,
>
> But not a Mr T,
>
> And Oprah couldn't talk yet
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> We had our share of heroes,
>
> We never thought they'd go,
>
> At least not Bobby Darin,
>
> Or Marilyn Monroe.
>
> For youth was still eternal,
>
> And life was yet to be,
>
> And Elvis was forever,
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> We'd never seen the rock band
>
> That was Grateful to be Dead,
>
> And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,
>
> And Zeppelins weren't Led.
>
> And Beatles lived in gardens then,
>
> And Monkees in a tree,
>
> Madonna was a virgin
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
> We'd never heard of Microwaves,
>
> Or telephones in cars,
>
> And babies might be bottle-fed,
>
> But they weren't grown in jars.
> And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
>
> And "gay" meant fancy-free,
>
> And dorms were never coed
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> We hadn't seen enough of jets
>
> To talk about the lag,
>
> And microchips were what was left at
>
> The bottom of the bag.
> And Hardware was a box of nails,
>
> And bytes came from a flea,
>
> And rocket ships were fiction
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> Buicks came with portholes,
>
> And side show came with freaks,
>
> And bathing suits came big enough
>
> To cover both your cheeks.
>
> And Coke came just in bottles,
>
> And skirts came to the knee,
>
> And Castro came to power
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>
>
> We had no Crest with Fluoride,
>
> We had no Hill Steet Blues,
>
> We all wore superstructure bras
>
> Designed by Howard Hughes.
> We had no patterned pantyhose
>
> Or Lipton herbal tea
>
> Or prime-time ads for condoms
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
> There were no golden arches,
>
> No Perriers to chill,
>
> And fish were not called Wanda,
>
> And cats were not called Bill.
> And middle-aged was thirty-five
>
> And old was forty-three,
>
> And ancient was our parents
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> But all things have a season,
>
> Or so we've heard them say,
>
> And now instead of Maybelline
>
> We swear by Retin-A.
> And they send us invitations
>
> To join AARP,
>
> We've come a long way, baby,
>
> From the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
> So now we face a brave new world
>
> In slightly larger jeans,
>
> And wonder why they're using
>
> Smaller print in magazines.
> And we tell our children's children
>
> of the way it used to be,
>
> Long ago and far away
>
> In the Land of Sandra Dee.
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