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IN THE LAND OF SANDRA DEE                    submitted by Esther L., PA

More humorously sentimental,  than gut-busting humor.


>       Long ago and far away,
>
>     In a land that time forgot,
>
>     Before the days of Dylan
>
>     Or the dawn of Camelot.
>
>     There lived a race of innocents,
>
>     And they were you and me,
>
>     Long ago and far away
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     Oh, there was truth and goodness
>
>     In that land where we were born,
>
>     Where navels were for oranges,
>
>     And Peyton Place was porn.
>
>     For Ike was in the White House,
>
>     And Hoss was on TV,
>
>     And God was in his heaven
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     We learned to knit a muffler,
>
>     We washed our hair at dawn,
>
>     We spread our crinolines to dry
>
>     In circles on the lawn.
>
>     And they could hear us coming
>
>     All the way to Tennessee,
>
>     All starched and sprayed and rumbling
>
>     in the Land of Sandra Dee.

>     We longed for love and romance,
>
>     And waited for the prince,
>
>     And Eddie Fisher married Liz,
>
>     And no one's seen him since.

>     We danced to "Little Darlin'",
>
>     And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
>
>     And cried for Buddy Holly
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Lee.

>     Only girls wore earrings then,
>
>     And three was one to many,
>
>     And only boys wore flat-top cuts,
>
>     Except for Jean McKinney.

>     And only in our wildest dreams
>
>     Did we expect to see
>
>     A boy named George with Lipstick
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     We fell for Frankie Avalon,
>
>     Annette was oh, so nice,
>
>     And when they made a movie,
>
>     They never made it twice.
>
>     We didn't have a Star Trek Five,
>
>     Or Psycho Two and Three,
>
>     Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,
>
>     And Chester had a limp,
>
>     And Reagan was a Democrat
>
>     Whose co-star was a chimp.
>
>     We had a Mr Wizard,
>
>     But not a Mr T,
>
>     And Oprah couldn't talk yet
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     We had our share of heroes,
>
>     We never thought they'd go,
>
>     At least not Bobby Darin,
>
>     Or Marilyn Monroe.
>
>     For youth was still eternal,
>
>     And life was yet to be,
>
>     And Elvis was forever,
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     We'd never seen the rock band
>
>     That was Grateful to be Dead,
>
>     And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,
>
>     And Zeppelins weren't Led.
>
>     And Beatles lived in gardens then,
>
>     And Monkees in a tree,
>
>     Madonna was a virgin
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.

>     We'd never heard of Microwaves,
>
>     Or telephones in cars,
>
>     And babies might be bottle-fed,
>
>     But they weren't grown in jars.

>     And pumping iron got wrinkles out,
>
>     And  "gay" meant fancy-free,
>
>     And dorms were never coed
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     We hadn't seen enough of jets
>
>     To talk about the lag,
>
>     And microchips were what was left at
>
>     The bottom of the bag.


>     And Hardware was a box of nails,
>
>     And bytes came from a flea,
>
>     And rocket ships were fiction
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     Buicks came with portholes,
>
>     And side show came with freaks,
>
>     And bathing suits came big enough
>
>     To cover both your cheeks.
>
>     And Coke came just in bottles,
>
>     And skirts came to the knee,
>
>     And Castro came to power
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>
>
>     We had no Crest with Fluoride,
>
>     We had no Hill Steet Blues,
>
>     We all wore superstructure bras
>
>     Designed by Howard Hughes.

>     We had no patterned pantyhose
>
>     Or Lipton herbal tea
>
>     Or prime-time ads for condoms
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.

>     There were no golden arches,
>
>     No Perriers to chill,
>
>     And fish were not called Wanda,
>
>     And cats were not called Bill.
>     And middle-aged was thirty-five
>
>     And old was forty-three,
>
>     And ancient was our parents
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     But all things have a season,
>
>     Or so we've heard them say,
>
>     And now instead of Maybelline
>
>     We swear by Retin-A.
>     And they send us invitations
>
>     To join AARP,
>
>     We've come a long way, baby,
>
>     From the Land of Sandra Dee.
>
>     So now we face a brave new world
>
>     In slightly larger jeans,
>
>     And wonder why they're using
>
>     Smaller print in magazines.

>     And we tell our children's children
>
>     of the way it used to be,
>
>     Long ago and far away
>
>     In the Land of Sandra Dee.

 

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