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CHILDREN'S ANSWERS ON THE BIBLE

 

Imagine yourself to be the nun sitting at her desk
 grading papers, all the while trying to keep a
 straight face and maintain her composure
!

 
 PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF
 YOU KNOW EVEN A LITTLE OF THE BIBLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS
 HILARIOUS!  IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
 TEST ON THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
 
 THESE ANSWERS WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT
 BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED, AS YOU WILL SEE.
 _____________________________________________________________
 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT
 TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH
 OFF.
 
 

 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
 NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND
 THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
 
 

 

 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT
 A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
 
 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
 THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
 
 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
 ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
 
 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
 APOSTLES.
 
 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
 UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY
 INGREDIENTS.
 
 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
 AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
 TEN COMMANDMENTS.
 
 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO
 EAT THE APPLE.
 
 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
 ADULTERY.
 
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
 
 

 

 

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA
 TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
 
 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING

 THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE
 WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

 
 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND  700  PORCUPINES.
 
 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE
 SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
 
 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE
 ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
 
 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
 CONTRAPTION.
 
 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
 
 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
 UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE AL SO
 EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
 
 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
 MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
 

 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE
 12 DECIBELS.
 
 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
 
 

23. ONE OF THE OPOSSUM WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO
 A TAXIMAN.
 
 

 

 

 

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED
 HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
 
 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE THIS IS CALLED
 MONOTONY.

Thanks to Sam H. , Silver Spring, MD

 

 

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