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The SeniorArk Home Page is where it's happening  -  FRESH EVERY DAY

 
 

ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES - -REALLY!!
Submitted by Maureen, ("The View"), Sharon, Pennsylvania

 

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"Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter" 
Now that is really something!
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"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says" 
No crap, really? Ya think? 
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"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"  
Now that's taking things a bit far! 
  ----------------------------- 
"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
 No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! 
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"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"  
See if that works any better than a fair trial! 
  -------------------------------------
"War Dims Hope for Peace"  
 I can see where it might have that effect! 
 -------------------------------------------- 
 "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile" 
Ya think?! 
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"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"  
Who would have thought! 
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"Enfield ( London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"   
They may be on to something! 
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"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"  
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? 
  ------------------------------------------ 
"Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge"  
He probably IS the battery charge! 
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"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"  
Weren't they fat enough?! 
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"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"  
Why beans are no longer stocked on spacecraft. 
 -------------------------------------------------  
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"  
Do they taste like chicken?
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   "Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"  
Chainsaw Massacre all over again! 
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"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"  
Boy, are they tall! 
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And the winner is....
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead" 

 

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